I had several of these kinds of dreams and I did not censor them. They were out of the ordinary, I could not explain them logically and yet they were real, very clear messages, pouring out of my pen as soon as I could get hold of it. I was propelled forward to stay open to those messages and where their exploration would lead me. I came to know that the purpose of this book is not so much to provide definite answers, but to open to possibilities. I believe at this time we need to maintain our intellectual freedom and assess our falsehoods in order to move forward, surpassing what we previously thought possible.

After I heard the voice, I started recording my dreams every morning to see if they would reveal anything else. Usually this would be a hardship, but not now. My dreams were so vivid that I was compelled to write them down. However, I wasn’t sure what to do next, so eventually on May 10, I asked for guidance in my dreams. By my bed I put a brand new notebook, ready to record whatever I could remember from the night. I was searching for something, some help or an explanation. Well, I definitely got something; even if wasn’t sure what it meant. I woke up on May 11 with my mind whirling, packed with images and voices.

May 11, 2004
Woke up with a dream, which was like a dictation from a source outside myself. I’m just a vessel or a vehicle. The words are pouring into me and out of me, through the end of my pen and onto the page:

There is a need for something different, something like a big poster board puzzle. Have a small book as a calling card ready soon. It is necessary to start somewhere. It will get people to respond. Weaving a tapestry in images and words to capture the essence of love. See if you can capture some proof of what people need to have hope. The book is meant to create a formula for people to relate to. There is a cell phone in the middle. There is an underground network. There is something urgent that people must hear about through the network. If they don’t hear through the network, they will never know. I have to advertise with the puzzle. I need to figure it out what it is. It’s not readily available yet, but people want it.  It’s somehow illegal since drugs can produce it. Everybody will want it. The Women’s Network has to pass on the book like wildfire, but men will read it. It’s like a secret exposed – you have to work for it to find it, but it’s worth it. The network itself is a secret.

What does all this mean? What network? An ancient secret exposed?  I assume, I won’t try any harder to figure it out now, especially the somehow illegal part, it really baffles me. I’ll just let it come to me. Something important has been revealed to me. One penny has dropped.

Our conscience needs to be activated. We can choose evil or we can choose good. It only benefits us and the world to choose good. When I record my dreams, I have a sense that they come from a source with unlimited knowledge.
 
You don’t choose to be a medium, you are chosen it seems like. That’s how I know it’s real.  I have a lot of qualms about finding myself in the role of a medium and no aspirations to be one; however, I’m intrigued and challenged by my sensitivity. I have always loved that irrepressible surge of energy that propels us into something. We shall remain open and follow.

May 15, 2004
I am getting braver and I asked for guidance in my dreams again. I was worried about my many jobs as mother, wife and counselor robbing my time to write. I wanted to know if I needed to give up something or if it was feasible to do the writing under the current circumstances. This is what I got:

A bouquet of burgundy red peonies was painted on my living room window. It was a hologram and the peonies looked amazingly real. The reality of it was remarkable and I marveled over how beautiful they looked. I thought it quite practical because there was no need to take care of them or replace them. Also, I believe the peony must be my symbol, my totem flower. It signifies openness and receptivity. I’m teaching people to be receptive, to be open.

I was told the writing will be intermittent and will take care of itself when the time is right, not to worry much about it for now. My dream also indicated that something important is going to happen on June 8. It will be some kind of party, like a wedding, with dancing and a head table. I’m not sure what it means exactly, but it has the feel of a premonition.

This process was amazing and I decide to stay open and let myself be guided. What ensued was that something about the book was revealed to me usually in my dreams. Then in the day I would go and research what I had been given in my dreams.

There were so many of those dreams and I collected them all in my original manuscript, witnessed by the people who entered them into the computer, Sherilyn Smith, Shirarose Wilensky, Christie McPhee and several others who read the journal version.

From that recording it became increasingly clear that I had in fact had predictive dreams. Here are some specific examples:

The predictive dream about the June 8 “wedding party” was in fact a surprise party given for me by my husband. People worked very hard to mislead me and succeeded in duping my conscious mind!

I dreamt people’s names and specific events symbolizing what’s associated with those names. For example, I dreamt the name of a woman wanting to put an offer in on our house. Then this precise event occurred. The name of the editor arrived another time, before I had any clue who she was. When my publisher told me he had Cait Johnson in mind for my editor I was startled. I had received what sounded to me like “Ken Johnson will arrive to help soon” in a message many days before.

December 3, 2004
Last night, I dreamt I was trying to draw something that looked like a figure eight turned on its side but out came a beautiful fish with a magnificent tail like an Angelfish. (The drawing was my book in symbolic form). I was pleased with my artwork, even though I drew it on poor quality paper and blotched it with too much ink. I was afraid I had to redo it. Could it be saved? I was trying to make the line prominent from the gills to the tail (tale?) and I was about to fill in the line with thick black ink. I was afraid to draw the line and wasn’t sure I could do it when I was interrupted and I woke up. To be continued, I guess.

Jan 21, 2005
I dreamt about “are the publishers in alignment?” I was trying to explain first I found a religious publisher, but haven’t checked out the next one. Then, a picture emerged with people under lightning, reaching their arms up to the heavens. It had too much of a religious connotation for me and I was trying to explain that. I came away thinking I have to do a bit of work to change that connotation.

Finding a publisher is in fact difficult. Who wants to publish a first time author, whose guidance to the material she wrote about was her dreams? Try it; there are not too many takers.

Luckily, I had this guidance dream to who this would be. First, I discovered the publisher of an esteemed writer (I had also had a significant guidance dream about) was Monkfish book publishing. “Monkfish/Angelfish” I flashed in recognition remembering my dream, chuckling to myself while getting on the phone. Well as it turned out Paul Cohen from Monkfish declined my manuscript at first, stating he is more of a religious publisher and he referred me to some other publishing houses. The final result was that we did come to terms and I never did check out the other publishers he suggested.

 There were many other detailed dreams about the actual publication process that were like path markers along the way. It’s a stressful process and it was hugely helpful to have these markers, reassuring me. Telling me I was on the path, even though I wasn’t at my destination yet, it always helped to calm my nerves. It also made the process fascinating for my editor, publisher and me. We kept discovering the symbolism of the dreams to be rather wonderful. For instance on February 17, 2005 I had had a dream about a person who was both my brother and my son. I told my publisher in 2007 that I suspected he was the brother the dream was describing. I was not sure what “the son” could mean though. It was during that conversation we both learnt that his mother was born on the same day and month as I. So it did make sense, that somehow I was his mother at least in birth date.

The dates became increasingly clear as being meaningful. Here are some examples.

Oct 17, 2004
I feel as if I’m getting ready to take off in an airplane, that rush and trepidation, so exciting and so frightening, all at once. Today feels like a goodbye to my old life. The past seems like a hiding. I have some fear of failure, but somehow failure seems impossible at this level. The fears and doubts are there, but I remind myself of my premonitions and I know the time has come for the harvest.

Oct 19, 2004
I had very active dreams last night. There was lots of whispering. It was the network. Everybody was telling each other to spread the word.  I saw women from all walks of life. And I saw images of doors and blinds opening. In my dream I was preparing to give notice, to move out of my student home and into the master’s house.

October 18, 2007
My book was sent to print.

October 10, 2004
Dreamt of a scientific formula, a framework for people to relate to. P=MxE and the concept is explained in the book.

October 10, 2007
A colleague insisted we had to meet that day. In conversation she spoke about making the connection. That moment it struck me, that this ought to be the book title. It’s what this framework is all about: ten, ten, net, net, the inner net we are all connected to.

October 27
Navin’s death anniversary.
It is also my Grandmother’s birthday.

October 27, 2007
 It is a Saturday, but the publisher had gone into the office and found the book had come back from the printers earlier than expected. The baby has arrived!

December 3
Navin’s birthday.

December 3, 2004
I had the dream about the book becoming an Angelfish.

A loop of beginnings and endings

Dreaming My Father’s Death
Sometimes people fear dreams, in case they tell them something they are afraid of. I‘ve heard many people say, “What use are dreams that tell me something horrible is going to happen? What good does it do, if there’s nothing you can do to prevent it?” The fact is, even if you are not able to prevent an occurrence, the prophetic dream, where we witness the future during sleep, can help us prepare for and handle difficult situations.

Let me tell you my own experience with this and you can judge for yourself.

On March 11, 2005, I woke up in the morning, recalling a vivid dream.

 I came to our house and the red door was slightly ajar and it was dark and empty inside. There was a note stuck to the door and an alarm system above the note. I was hoping we were protected from the break-in that way. I was afraid of the darkness inside and afraid to find out what happened.

 Then I had another dream right after that: A girl is taking her dad to the museum. He goes upstairs, seems well, but suddenly passes out. He is white and collapses. She catches him, holds him in her arms, bends down on her knees and a sob escapes her chest. She revered her dad; she touches his left leg as if to hold on to him. Not sure if he is slipping.

 Then there is another sequence with an image of a spiral spinning and spinning. As I look closer, it is made of little balls, somehow related to pool balls, a design in a triangle, though a different material from pool balls, more ancient. This feels like a release compared to the first dream.

One year after my dream, my mom and my dad went for a walk on his birthday, near their home. Suddenly he complained of not being able to lift his left leg. He could barely walk, though somehow they made it home; my mother pushed and half-carried him up the stairs, and his leg seemed not to be working at all. To this day she still does not understand how she managed to get him upstairs, since she is a petite woman. She got him into the living room, where he collapsed. She says he folded up like a baby, with no control over his body at all. She called the ambulance and they took him to the hospital

My father went through many tests and nobody could determine if he would recover. He went in and out of consciousness and neurologists tried to determine if he was still coherent. He could not tell what a pen was, but when asked if he had children, he managed to say very clearly: “One daughter, her name is Elke. She lives in Canada and she is a psychologist.”

I arrived in time to say good-bye to him. He left this world on April 27, 2006. One year later Paul Cohen from Monkfish started work with my manuscript.  Six month later on Navin’s birthday, October 27, 2007, the book arrived back from the printers. Anybody who is in the publishing world will understand how impossible it is to will those dates to coincide with the many unknown variables and different people involved in this process.

All pieces of this puzzle had been collected and came together in a visible picture on October 27, 2007.

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